I'm in that state of life when you hate everything, you feel unenthusiastic,worthless,negative etc. All because of what? A boy of course.. what else?.. No, he didn't cheat on me, in fact I thought of cheating on him when I was with him. It's a little more complicated, see.. I think I have a mental illness and when I opened up to him he never acted the same around me. We were fine,you know that typical teenage romance shit but, I thought things were going way to fast, sexually. and yet I'm still a virgin (that's a good thing) I dodged a bullet.
If this was the 90's I'de probably say something like, "he showed up at my house yesterday and we fought non stop talking about pointless crap because somehow we knew that it was not going to work out" But, he didn't and as bad as I want it to be the 90's, It's 2015, so yeah we fought.. over text and you guessed it, he broke up with me over a stupid device. No I'm not mad, because I was going to break up with him before then, but he beat me to it.
He lay his hands on me, hurting me physically. I'm not sure if that was his intention to hurt me but all I do know is that it hurts more now then it did before.During that time I had an episode and I freaked out. I froze, I couldn't do nothing, I felt useless. He never apologized to me but I apologized to him because I thought that if I did he would think that I'm "all better now" and we could pretend like nothing happened. It's been more than a month and he still hasn't apologized and just recently he messaged me like as if nothing happened and then out of nowhere all hell broke loose and he wouldn't stop insulting me, insulting my friends. He is not the same person he was when he was with me. When I told him that all I wanted was an apology he would sexually harass me with non stop sexts and one blackmail that made me feel like all I was to him was an object,one that he could "play with". " I'll apologize if you give me head" he said. But I'm a strong girl, I've been through a lot and I know how to handle myself. This isn't the only relationship that's turned into shit.
So? My thoughts on love? I've never been in it. And right now to be completely honest with you guys I don't believe in it. But hey, this is only my first blog entry ever and I'm ready for a journey. So maybe by the time of my, idk... 29th entry (that number just literally popped in my head) Maybe I will have love to believe in.
here's a song that influences what I'm feeling, hope you guys can relate.(not too much though)
If this was the 90's I'de probably say something like, "he showed up at my house yesterday and we fought non stop talking about pointless crap because somehow we knew that it was not going to work out" But, he didn't and as bad as I want it to be the 90's, It's 2015, so yeah we fought.. over text and you guessed it, he broke up with me over a stupid device. No I'm not mad, because I was going to break up with him before then, but he beat me to it.
He lay his hands on me, hurting me physically. I'm not sure if that was his intention to hurt me but all I do know is that it hurts more now then it did before.During that time I had an episode and I freaked out. I froze, I couldn't do nothing, I felt useless. He never apologized to me but I apologized to him because I thought that if I did he would think that I'm "all better now" and we could pretend like nothing happened. It's been more than a month and he still hasn't apologized and just recently he messaged me like as if nothing happened and then out of nowhere all hell broke loose and he wouldn't stop insulting me, insulting my friends. He is not the same person he was when he was with me. When I told him that all I wanted was an apology he would sexually harass me with non stop sexts and one blackmail that made me feel like all I was to him was an object,one that he could "play with". " I'll apologize if you give me head" he said. But I'm a strong girl, I've been through a lot and I know how to handle myself. This isn't the only relationship that's turned into shit.
So? My thoughts on love? I've never been in it. And right now to be completely honest with you guys I don't believe in it. But hey, this is only my first blog entry ever and I'm ready for a journey. So maybe by the time of my, idk... 29th entry (that number just literally popped in my head) Maybe I will have love to believe in.
here's a song that influences what I'm feeling, hope you guys can relate.(not too much though)